who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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