Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
