SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
