drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
