Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
