i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
