i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize