Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
