Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
