I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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