Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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