you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My cat gives me a boner
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
