I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
