i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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