Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
