I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
