Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
