I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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