nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
