When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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