Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
