i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
