ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
