His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
