I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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