I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
