She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
