i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My dick has a subreddit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize