i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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