remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
