I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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