got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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