Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
