My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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