So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
