I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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