Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize