He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
