They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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