Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
