Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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