Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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