My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
