Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Shame - the story of my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
