Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
