He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
