PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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