four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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