so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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