There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Boobs speak an international language.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
