my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
