cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
