I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
