Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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