I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
