Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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