All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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