Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
