can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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