yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
