Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
