Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
