If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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