bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
