Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
