is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
