Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
