Your mouth is God's brothel.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
