I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
