shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
