He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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