my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
