Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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