Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
