first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
