I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
