Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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