I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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