Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
