It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize