Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
