You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
