Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
foreskin is a definite game changer
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
