She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
